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    Flexible

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    Flexible vs Rigid
    The Weather as Our Teacher

    34890986Can you imagine being a person that is rigid in thinking, in other words not very flexible, and then working a career involving the weather? With Mother Nature we have to be flexible, we have no choice, we can not control it.  Weather can be a great teacher for preparation, attitude and handling change, dealing with what is.
    Think of a tree in a strong wind, it bends with the breeze, if it does not it may break or become uprooted. Nature and the weather become our teachers.
    What about the constant changes even when we “think” we know what the weather will be.

    Flexible means that we can adjust, like putty, moldable, stretchable, and adjustable.
    By the way, according to my dictionary, “able” means “having the skill or means to do something”

    So with that in mind, another very important question for us personally, is, are we coachable?  Are we teachable and willing to learn what we need to adjust to?

    Do we have the means, the wherewithal, the willingness to be coached, to learn, to change?

    Being flexible means we are open and willing to go with the situation of the day as it happens, as it unfolds.

    Questions to ask yourself

    Can I adjust to what is and am I willing to?
    . . . or do I stay with what was “supposed” to be.
    It was supposed to be a sunny day and it rains.

    Do we want to blame someone, something, or adjust to what is?

    First of all, the weather doesn’t care or even know what you had in mind. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what is.

    Flexible thinking expands your choices and possibilities.

    Think about this, our expectations – every time something is not “exactly”as we expected, we could instantly adjust our attitude and start watching for a new possibility.

    Or this one – try planning to be flexible instead of planning for everything to be exact. Plan for flexibility, be open for the new, leave a little wiggle room. Deal with what is instead of what “should have” been.

    There is something about being flexible that just makes things work better. Hard to measure, difficult to say exactly, yet flexibility makes it all easier, goes with the flow.

    Rise above, be on top of it – be willing, be flexible.

    Change, Again

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    A very short poem that says a lot.

    The knowing and acceptance that life changes, as do the seasons is part of the natural creation cycle of our universe. I like the metaphor of the seasons as they come and go consistently. We know that change is coming and about when it will, yet there is always something original or a bit different than last the season’s change.

    Having the attitude of being ready and then, also, to look for the new possibilities in the change that will be there is a lesson I am always relearning – again and again.

     

     Again

    …. and then,

    when we get there

    everything,

    everything will change

    again

    . . . and then

         –   ©2008-2012 ray justice

    Practice Being Happy

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    The word “Practice” jumped out at me from a book I was reading last week. It was used to explain that we need to “Practice” being Happy just as we need to practice anything else we want to be good at.

    This made sense to me but I had never thought of it in this way before. I started wondering what do we need to practice, that we have not thought about before.

    First we have to assume that we practice because we want to improve or get better at something.

    Let’s discuss a couple of possibilities here.

    Listening – Are we really paying attention or waiting to make our own comments?

    Listening is a skill that can be improved if we are interested in doing so.

    The “Practice” exercise here could be to practice not thinking about other things while someone is talking to you. Staying present, not thinking about the past or future, is what we need to improve. Focus on their words, and then ask them a question about what they had just said, most people will be trilled. We are not used to being listened to.

    Another is Speaking – Do others hear you? Do you articulate clearly without just rambling on and on? Is brushing up on your speaking skills something to do? This can be one on one or to a group –practice what we say.

    If we are standing, do we need posture practice and image practice?

    There is more, but the idea for me here is to focus on areas that could use improvement and practice imaging and doing it the way I would like to have it be.

    I am wondering how many different areas of my life I could use practice to change and how do I become aware of them?

    Practice makes perfect or at least improvement.

    Focus – a Lesson from Squash

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    In a game of Squash I was ahead by a score of 7 to 2 with 9 being the winning point.

    As I served for the 8th point, meaning two points to go and this game is over, I started thinking “Do we have time to play another game?” While I was having this discussion in my head I lost that serve and the next two points – 7 to 4.

    I then preceded to have a conversation with myself about making sure I pay attention and not be thinking while playing the game. The result of that conversation in my head was that I lost the next three points and it was now 7 to 7. By the time I figured out that I needed to stop thinking I had lost that round.

    This story is to emphasis how quickly and easily we can lose our focus. We see it regularly in sports but have to realize how often we do it in our day to day situations. The game is that of not thinking so that we are present to what is going on. Focus, focus, focus is a big part of how we stay on track or not and let things slip on a daily basis. In sports it is called a loss of momentum, in our business world it is the same thing, loss of focus. Coaches have to bring the team mind set back into focus. For us in day to day life, we have to do it for ourselves. Being aware of the present moment, what is happening now by what our natural senses are picking up can help bring us back to focus

    Building Self Esteem by Rekha

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    Self esteem is the combination of self confidence and self respect. It is a conviction about one’s competency to face challenges of life and handle stressful situations. People with high self esteem show confidence in them and are rational problem solvers versus worry warts. They demonstrate the ability to  confront the things they are afraid of, are willing to take risks and also indulge in self nurturing activities.

    Self image – who you think you are, is determined by how others have treated you, and the conclusions you drew from comparing yourself to others. We evaluate ourselves and begin to validate it throughout our lives.

    The inner voice is developed by the feedback we get from others about ourselves from childhood. As we grow, the inner voice takes over and we begin to maintain a consistent image of ourselves. Our critical voice could be our parents, an authority figure or our own voice. This critical voice tends to undermine our self esteem.  Additionally, it seems to be closely connected with our thought process. The problem with critical voice is that it is always believed. It can be telegraphic which means one word can trigger a series of images, and it can link events and actions together.

    We listen to our inner voice because it is rewarding and it actually tries to protect us from the fear of failure and fear of rejection by others.  However, this does not help in the long run.  To build up self esteem, it is important to transform the inner voice versus just trying to eliminate it.

    Thought stopping technique is one of the most effective techniques to transform our inner voice. It is done by visualizing a red STOP sign and shouting the word STOP or Cancel and quickly replacing negative thoughts with positive coping statements.

    Another way to transform the inner voice is to turn the worry over to a Higher Power. It is also useful to put the worry in a shoe box and place it on the top shelf  of the closet of your mind. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy also recommends that  scheduling a worry time also helps  in programming the mind for  positive thinking. The mind tends to associate the scheduled worry time with problems and one can be positive the rest of the time.

    Self defeating thoughts are triggered by cognitive distortions such as overgeneralization, mislabeling, filtering, absolute thinking, self blame, over estimation, magnification and many more. When these distortions color our perceptions, it is useful to use affirmations as a mood induction technique. For example, “I feel good about myself”, “All things are working towards my well being”, “I feel confident”, “I feel happy” and so on.

    Using Visualization can also be a very powerful mood induction technique. It is important to first set long term and short term goals. Then check if you have a burning desire to achieve this goal. Is it attainable or are you willing to accept this positive change in your life? Visualization is a method of using imagery to modify your behavior and internal physiological state. It is used by athletes to achieve peak performance in their sports. For effective visualization, you need to relax, take a deep breath and use your five senses to recreate the imagery in detail. Practicing visualization repeatedly will increase your ability to see things vividly. You will be able to achieve your goals with more ease and facility with the aid of visualization technique.

    “The Power of imagination exceeds that of the conscious will.”   Emile Cou.

    It is also crucial to reward yourself more often, avoid people who are bad for you, have a good network of friends and relatives, take more risks, take care of yourself by engaging in physical exercise, eating nutritious food, being health conscious. Volunteer work, helping your community and having a meaning and purpose in life are also helpful instruments in building self esteem. Having a good balance in life is important to build self esteem. It has been seen that people who are assertive and who take care of their needs tend to have higher self esteem than people who are passive, codependent and passive aggressive.   Maslow has defined five levels of needs and people with high self esteem tend to fulfill their needs at all levels. Gandhi and many other national leaders were able to become self actualized.  It is helpful to treat yourself like a flower garden and sow the seeds of love to foster better self esteem.

    Self esteem affects our lives, deepens our ability to make a contribution to the world. Self esteem comes from within and is not measured by material things such as your possessions, status, assets and prosperity.  It helps us remain stable in adverse circumstances.

    By Rekha Shrivastava, M.S, CRC, CASAC – T

    Cognitive Approaches to Healing

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    We all face stress in our lives but if we handle stress appropriately, we can overcome it easily. There are many cognitive approaches to healing and there is evidence that we can decrease the intensity of our anxiety, depression and stress by using the following seven (7) cognitive behavioral strategies:

    1. Thought Stopping: It is a technique that helps divert our mind from what we are worrying and obsessing about. When we get anxious, there are multiple thoughts that occupy our minds. If   we keep dwelling on these unproductive thoughts, the intensity of anxiety continues to escalate. However, if we use the Thought Stopping technique, we can lower the level of our anxiety. This is how you use the technique, Take a deep breath, visualize a big red STOP sign in front of you, then simply say the word CANCEL, or STOP. By repeating the word STOP, we put a brake on our racing thoughts just as we stop the car when we approach a STOP sign. When we put a brake on our thoughts, it empties the mind. After saying the word STOP, replace the negative thought with a positive counterstatement. It is important to note that the mind tends to recreate worry thoughts if you do not replace it with a counterstatement. Repeat the Thought Stopping technique as needed.
    2. Self Talk: Depressed and anxious people tend to indulge in negative self talk by berating themselves or thinking negative about self or others. This tends to reinforce negative thinking. Self talk is very subtle, automatic and telegraphic in nature. We make a variety of errors called, Cognitive Distortions in Psychology. These distortions could be overgeneralization, mind reading, jumping to conclusion, fortune teller error, magnification, minimization, mental filter, black or white thinking, mislabeling, and saying, “my fault”. Cognitive therapy holds that we need to be aware of our distortions and challenge them with Socratic questions, e.g. What are the odds of this really happening?, What is the worst that can happen?, Once we put our illogical statements to a scrutiny or rational investigation, we become more aware of our errors and open our mind to the reasoning and logic. This also helps correct our perception of the situation and we become more objective. Positive self talk helps reduce the intensity of depressive and anxious symptoms.
    3. Use of Affirmations: Affirmation is a positive statement that we use to replace negative self talk. For example, “ I am a good person”, ‘I can handle this situation”, “I have done it before and I can do it again.” It is like mind chatter that helps replace the negative programming into positive. It is important to make affirmations in present tense. It sinks better and it is also important to repeat them with conviction and emotions for optimal benefits.
    4. Acting As If: implies two laws of learning:

    A. The law of Association

    B. The operant Conditioning

    When we use Acting As If, we use operant conditioning. Acting As If reinforces the reprogramming we do to change our twisted thinking. For Example, act as if you are calm and relaxed by putting a smile on your face even if you are experiencing anxiety before making a presentation. When we act as if we are calm, our subconscious mind gets the message of relaxation and it makes us more relaxed and decreases the level of anxiety. Another example, start telling every  one, “ I feel great, it is a wonderful day” and you will begin to feel better.

    1. Use of Acronym CRAFT: This also helps ease the anxiety and helps view the situation correctly.

    C= Cancel negative thought

    R= Replace negative thought

    A=Affirm a positive statement

    F= Focus on the positive thought

    T= Train your mind to think positive

    6. Space of Time: It is important to create a space of time between what stresses you and your reaction to it. In order to do this engage in the following:

    A. Mind games

    B. Count to ten

    C. Deep Breathing

    D. Humor

    E. Imaging

     7.       Be a Problem Solver:

    Focus on the solutions as opposed to obsessing on the problem. Follow the following steps

    A. Describe and analyze your problems with questions. Use the five Ws- who, what, when, why, where to describe your problem.

    B. Ask what I want “more of” and “less of” in the situation

    C. What are my options?

    D. Take action

    E. Evaluate and adjust

    F. Reward

    These are proven techniques which are very effective in decreasing the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

    Rekha Shrivastava, MS, CRC.CASAC-T

     

    Vent Constructively

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    From the Four Agreements Reminder Series

    “Be aware of the quality of your communication. The quality of the communication depends on whether you tune your emotional body to love or to fear. If you know what love is and what fear is, you become aware of the way you communicate your dream to others, and you can choose to communicate with love.” – don Miguel Ruiz 

    What we say – what comes out of us – is a direct reflection of how we feel on the inside.

    To Ponder: Perhaps this is why people feel the need to “vent” – to get all the negativity out. But if we don’t vent constructively, aren’t we really just dumping on someone else, spreading the negativity?

    Take Action: Be aware when you need to vent, and select the right person to vent to. State your intent “Hey, I just need to vent a minute.” Then, either problem solve it, or move on if there’s nothing you can really do about it. Sometimes changing your attitude is the only control you’ll have!

    Laurie Joslin – www.unlimitedcoaching.com

    Re-Align with Yourself!

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    From the Four Agreements Reminder Series.

    “All of the drama humans suffer is the result of believing in lies, mainly about ourselves. The first lie we believe is ‘I am not the way I should be; I am not perfect. ‘It’s just a story, but we believe it, and we stop being ourselves and start searching for an image of perfection.” – don Miguel Ruiz

    We get lost trying to please others along the way. When we align with who we really are, then we’ll be the most successful and happiest that we can be.

    To Ponder: Whether it’s a position you are in at work, or personally, is it really something you want to be doing? Are you happy with it?

    Take Action: Pay attention to how you feel. If you are more frustrated and unhappy than you are happy, perhaps it’s time for a change. Maybe you need to go back to who you really are, and find something that you really love to do. It’s way easier to align with something that fits you, than always trying to change to fit into something you’re not.

    Laurie Joslin – www.unlimitedcoaching.com

    Obligations

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    Obligations Aside

    Someone asked me the other day “to put my obligations aside for a moment”, before I made a business decision. You know, it really made a difference.

    I was amazed at how much my self imposed “shoulds” came into play. With all of my study, positive thinking and experience – there they were.

    They are things and people that I have made myself responsible for, or is it obligated?
    It was an interesting exercise to set the obligations aside, go over the possibilities without them and then to re-insert them and see what fits. I automatically became more creative, more open and more excited about what could work – new possibilities.

    So todays thought is to review where we all are holding back because we are obligated and then to ponder if this is a real responsibility or one we just assumed was there.

    I always seemed to struggle with the difference between responsibility and obligation. What sticks with me the most realistically is that responsibility is a duty that you want, or even feel you have an opportunity, to do or be. Obligation is something someone or something else wants you to do or be – not your exact choice.

    One is something you would choose, the other is something that is chosen for you.

    Ponder this over and see if it resonates with you, it did for me.

    Keep smilin’

    I still go back to the Bridge

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    The Sound of Stillness

    I grew up in the florist and Greenhouse business. It is interesting to watch as life goes on how words change with their meaning. Greenhouse, in my life, has been an all glass building to grow food or plants especially in the colder climates. We all can forecast that will change for the future as Green Houses will be environmentally friendly and efficient places we will live.

    I was not aware of it at the time but I was growing up in a very hectic, seven day a week, never shut down or stop, business. A piece of that has carried on throughout my life.

    I also grew up with the exact opposite of the hectic part and it was in the same place. In what we called “the big house” (large greenhouse), where the ceiling height was higher and the larger plants were kept, I often could be found. It was serene, peaceful and quiet except the sound of the ever present birds chirping away, what a winter haven for them.

    Again, without realizing, it at the time, this is where I learned to go when I wanted to feel good, to settle down, regroup and think. Maybe to even be by myself (a non hectic space).

    With a workshop retreat, for corporate executives, I was part of a few years ago I was going over the importance of stillness and meditation especially around decision making and creativity. It was not going over very well as it was to foreign to almost everyone. I asked them, on their break, to walk down a short path that was outside, next to a running stream. As they did this and came across a small, wooden, arched bridge, I asked them to stop, just for a minute, and stand on the bridge. Next step was to close their eyes, take a slow relaxed breath and listen to the sound of the water, without thinking about other things, only the present sound of the water flowing on it’s natural path.

    Now to the message part. A few years later I ran into one of the people that had been present at that event. After saying “hello”, the next words out of her mouth were “I still go back to the bridge”. It took me a few seconds to catch up to her and she meant.

    Think about how powerful that simple little exercise was and still is for her. Then also think about how powerful it still is for me. It reminded me of my Greenhouse days, the birds, the plants, the quiet that I can also still go back to when I want or need to.

    So for helping me remember, thank you Mary Conlon, now a manager for The Bank of Castile in Greece New York.

    “I still go back to the Greenhouse”.